Madness
by Oerba Yun Lightning
Summary: When the Princess of Madness AKA Barbara decides to return to Nirn for a visit things take a turn for the mad. Vampires, Dragons, Mad Men along with all the other fun stuff that lives in Skyrim. (May go to M if necessary)
1. The Isles

**Hello here is a new story I had while reading some other fictions.**

* * *

The day the Shivering Isles become boring is the day that Haskill in his infinite wisdom knew that he had to do something or things would grow bad quickly.

"My lady if I may suggest you should go take a walk among the mortals like you did in the days of the former Master?" Haskill suggested walking over to the throne of madness where the 'new' Sheogorath was lying over the arm rests of the throne. By 'new' she was new by his standards but to everyone else she was an age old leader of the Isles.

"While that sounds like a good idea sadly I'm more needed here to stop those two idiots from destroying the Isles with their petty squabbles." Sheogorath AKA Barbara said gesturing to the Dukes of Mania and Dementia that were sitting in their respective throne rooms talking with their councils.

"While normally I would agree with you on this point this time I have to say you need this because if you haven't noticed things are getting duller and duller around here because you are becoming sane." Haskill said gesturing around the halls which Barbara had noticed becoming more and more like it was when order had invaded.

"Yes I had noticed but if I leave they will more than likely destroy the Isles not to mention Molag Bal is meant to be visiting to discuss the new race he wanted to make." Barbara said getting off the throne and summoning a cup and filling it with water from the font of madness and downing it one gulp making the room seem a bit brighter.

"For the two Dukes just give me some power to allow me to keep the spells working and Molag is meant to visit in a few hours more than enough time for you to get ready then have the meeting then leave to enjoy the mortal word for some time." Haskill said like he was reading off a list then again he always a stick in the mud.

"Right great idea. Haskill I as Sheogorath give you all the power that I can convey to keep the lands safe." A faint glow appeared around Haskill and Barbara felt the spells falter then renew. "Call for me when Molag arrives and tell him this time not to eat the servers, replacing them is annoying."

"Yes my lady." Haskill said bowing slightly before taking his place on the right hand of the throne while she teleported to her room.

Meanwhile in Barbara's master room she was grabbing her staff she had crafted after the old staff broke during her fight with Jyggalag except this one was slightly different in that it was made from a rare metal that someone had found buried under the palace near the roots of madness it was strong as the strongest metal and light as a feather and Haskill being what he is managed to weave it into her suit making it indestructible to anything from the mortal plane and with the last of the metal made a sword that she placed the spell of madness of it giving it the ability to change into anything.

"So I have my sword my staff my suit actually I should store those in my personal space..." Barbara mumbled to herself sending the two items along with a few hundred thousand gold she had found in the vaults her predecessor had collected liking it because it was shiny into her void.

"My lady, Lord Molag Bal has arrived and is waiting in your study for you." Haskill said appearing behind her.

"Ah thank you! Tell him I will be out in a moment." Barbara said waving him out while she was looking through her chests and closets for anything she though she would need then teleporting into the study where she was met by the sight of a giant lizard faced man who was holding one of her servers about to eat it but stopping when 'he' saw Sheogorath enter the room.

"Sheogorath good to see you again!" Molag Bal said throwing the server against the wall and ran to where Barbara was standing and gave her a massive hug that broke her back killing her.

Which made her 'dead' body vanish in a purple glowing summoning circle that re-appeared a few metres away with her 'alive' again.

"Please Molag my friend if your going to hug me please don't kill me it's annoying to have to re-construct my body every time I die." Barbara said brushing off her shoulders with a grin. "Or if you do want to kill me with hugs then at least be ready to take a jump of the hill of suicide."

"Ha this is why I love visiting you your madness is always fun now on to business. You said you may know a way to cure my vampires of their madness?"

"Yes! No! Wait, yes! I do have a way turn someone who is already mad and it will the double madness will and make them sane or super mad making them extra powerful which is good none the less or make a new breed that feeds on sanity from blood so every time they feed they become more sane and the person they drank from insane which is a win-win for both of us!" Sheogorath said pacing the room and walking up the walls and finishing her rant being of the ceiling with a maniac grin.

"Well that could work but it helps you more than me so what can you offer me to make this new breed of vampire?" Molag said straining to look up at Sheogorath who was now sitting at one of the tables on the roof pouring some tea that somehow ended up in the cup which made Molag wonder if collaborating with the princess of madness was the best choice.

"Well I'll offer you one thousand souls from the reverse pit of order!" Making those who heard her cower away.

"Ok and where is this pit of order and why are your people afraid of it?" Molag asked looking at the servers who were cowering from her words.

"Well it's a pit filled with the last members of orders army I stuck in the hole and offered a job as a prison for idiots who tried to take stuff from my realm without my permission. As for its location it's on the very south of the Isles. Let's go there!" Sheogorath said teleporting both her and Molag to the tip of the pit which was a very deep hole lined with crystals of order and with sentries every few feet down.

"That's an impressive hole. Heh." Molag said with a laugh.

"Lady Sheogorath what brings you and this... person here?" One of the guards asked in a monotone voice.

"I need one thousand souls to give to Molag here!" Barbara said her voice getting louder with each word.

"One thousand souls. It shall be done." With that he vanished and a bright yellow soul gem appeared in her hand with the one thousand souls in it.

"Here you go! Now to get them out you need a goat three chickens and a head of lettuce" Sheogorath said throwing the yellow gem to him.

"Hah you always knew how to make things simple and interesting!" Molag laughed out before being teleported back to the palace by Sheogorath where a new portal had appeared which in a land of bright colours and crazy looked very out-of-place considering it was a giant stone circle with what looked like fire inside it. "Thanks for this, those new vampires who make people insane will be sent out at once! Also you're welcome in my realm any time." He said before walking through the portal which moved to a wall when he was done walking through.

"Good times that was... Now on to more interesting things is my portal to Nirn still there?" Barbara asked Haskill who only nodded. "Right see you later remember call me if you need help." She ended before teleporting to the old gate and taking in the sights of the Isles before walking through.

* * *

"Sir the portal is acting up, from reports it appears to be opening." A scout said to a man garbed in a black robe with faded gold trimming.

"Good send a small dispatch of five men to the portal ready to 'greet' what ever comes from it." The man in the gold and black robe said back in a firm voice making the scout give a salute and run to find the men.

"This shall be interesting." The black and gold garbed man said looking over at the last pages from the bastard Emperor Martin during the Oblivion Crisis which talked of a girl entering the portal and returning weeks later very different but not saying what lay on the other side.

* * *

When Barbara walked out of the portal she found the island the old Sheogorath had created to be very different.

Gone was the lush mad chunk of land as it was replaced by wooden floors and walls and five men pointing various spells and swords at her.

"Hello gents if I may ask what happened to the island that was here?" This made the men take up a more angry combat stance. "Ok so you guys are not nice so I take it a lot of time has passed since my last trip." She dead panned.

"Well that depends was the last time you visited during the Oblivion Crisis or ten years after that or fifty after that?" A strange man wearing some robes she didn't recognise said walking in front of the men.

"Um maybe that depends on why you want to know." Barbara said edging back to the portal slightly.

"I am Ouraborn chief of this base on behalf of the Thalmor and am placing you under arrest till we can identify what is on the other side of this portal and if it's a threat to us." He said shooting a spell of binding at her she quickly broke out from.

"Now that's not nice you could have just asked nicely but first let me close my portal." She said clicking her fingers making the portal return to a state of inactivity.

"You have no right to tamper with magical artefacts of this nature!" One of the men holding the sword yelled at her aiming it her neck.

"Now now if it's her portal she is with in rights to close it but must re-open it if asked my me. Now if you could please come with me I have some questions." The man said opening the door and gesturing for his men to stand down.

"Ok but only if you have cheese." She said walking out of the room following the man into a very nice looking office but the first thing she saw was a plate of cheese.

"Now that is out-of-the-way what is your name?" Ouraborn asked slightly amused by her devouring of the cheese.

"Well that depends do you want my old name or my new name?" She asked through a mouthful of cheese.

"Humour me give me both to make record checking easier."

"Well my old name was Barbara but my new name I got around a few hundred years ago is Sheogorath. Daedric Prince of Madness." Barbara said in a fashion close to jester.

"Clearly your mad so now thanks to that we know now we don't want to pass through this portal as it seems who ever walks through it mad so we should destroy it. Guards take her to caravan that is leaving now for Skyrim." He said no longer amused.

"I may be mad but I know what you're doing is not legal!" Barbara said jumping up in rage about to call her sword till she was grabbed by two guards who bound her hands and dragged her to a waiting caravan.

"You are being taken to Skyrim where you will be executed with the stormcloak traitors in the name of the Thalmor. Good bye." He said and she just allowed it to happen because no matter how this played out it would end well for her.

* * *

**Next chapter things start to be fun.**


	2. Dimhollow

**Yes I should be updating the other stories but eh fuck it with this one I should be able to make a cycle of updates.**

* * *

After being forced into the Caravan Barbara decided to sleep because there was no point in doing anything and when she awoke she found there to be a man wearing some fancy robes with a gag in his mouth to her right and two men one wearing a strange blue uniform and the other wearing some rags.

"Hey you finally awake huh? What did they get you for?" The one wearing the blue uniform asked.

"Meh they took me in for being mad." Barbara said making the men look at her strangely.

"I shouldn't even be here!" The one in the rags said.

"Come on horse thief face what ever awaits you with some courage." The one in blue said making them go back and forward and make Barbara lose interest and fall into her thoughts till she was distracted by something shiny that was.

"General sir the heads man is waiting!" One of the men said which caused an annoyed remark from the one in blue and the one in rags to start to pray to many of the various divine.

"Don't bother with them they don't care about mortals." Barbara remarked making the one in rags to throw a dirty look at her.

"Why are we stopping?" The one in rags asked.

"Isn't it obvious: end of the line." The one in blue said causing the one in rags to start begging for mercy and the one in blue to say something about honour Barbara didn't care she was too busy looking at the skies trying to find whatever was making the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

While she was staring into space she didn't notice the captain of the guard call her over till she felt a painful blow to the back of her head.

"Hey what was that for?" Barbara said trying to rub the back of her head but failing due to the fact her hands were bound.

"I called you forward Elf." She spat out the last word with malice. "Now who are you?"

"I'm Barbara, nice to meet you." Barbara said cheerfully grinning putting her hand out for a hand shake also wondering why she was being called an elf. She was a Breton after all.

She didn't get the hand shake.

"Rude." Barbara said calling on a bit of her power and placing some madness in the captain's mind making her attack some people randomly causing the guards to fight back and kill the now ex-captain.

"Such a shame, give them their last rites." The old man in the golden armour said making the other woman in priest robes start giving them prayers to the divines making Barbara laugh out loud interrupting the priest.

"Since you are rude enough to interrupt you shall be the first one to be executed." The old man said making some of the guards grab her and place her on the headmen's block where the last thing she saw was a large fat man bringing down a large axe on her neck.

* * *

When she decided to reconstruct her body and 're-spawn' so to speak she was greeted by the sight of the town being burned down by a strange giant beast which reminded her or Akatosh the few times she had met him? Her? It?

"Hey you if you want to live then get your self over here!" The one from the cart said calling her over to a broken tower where a small amount of the people who were sent to be executed were tending to wounds and the like.

"Jarl Ulfric is that what I think it is could the legends be true?" One of them asked.

"Legends don't burn down villages." Ulfric said casting a glance at Barbara.

"Sure they do, they do all the time!" Barbara said falling to nostalgia when she remembered her choosing her first mortal champion and getting her to complete the 'K'sharra Prophecy' which ended up burning down the village due to the flaming dogs falling from the sky then turning said champion insane after she tried to Wabbajack her followers into gold. Good times back then.

"Well come on we need to get out of here! Up the tower!" One of them said running up the stairs only to be crushed by the wall and then burnt alive by a torrent of flames from the beasts mouth then it flew away to another part of the village.

"Quickly jump through!" He said gesturing to the burning house on the other side he wanted to jump into.

"Sounds fun." Barbara said taking the running jump and landing in the building which caused it to collapse on her head crushing her dead.

A few hours later she decided it would be safe to re-spawn and appeared in the centre of the which appeared to be the only part of the town that wasn't destroyed even though the stone was all burn to oblivion because the rest of the town was rubble and burnt logs and charred corpses.

"lovely reminds me of Dagons plane." Barbara remarked starting to walk out of the burnt up town where she was met by a strange man wearing some strange armour that reminded of an old group of vampire hunters standing over an ash pile.

"Halt vampire scum I'll have your head!" The man in the strange armour yelled getting out a strange-looking was hammer and casting a strange spell.

"Hey I'm not a vampire what the hell!" Barbara yelled dodging a blow from the hammer because contrary to popular belief she didn't like dying it just happened a lot.

"You can't fool me it's the eyes that give you away!" He yelled throwing a strange spell that hit her directly in the chest and did nothing to her making the man stop.

"What was that because if that was meant to hurt me I've been hurt worse by a tree." Which wasn't a lie as some of the trees in the Isles did like to come alive and attack.

"The spell did nothing to you meaning you're not something dead but your eyes are the eyes are of something not natural. What are you?" The man asked lowering his hammer but not putting it away.

"Well that depends of two things one why do you want to know and two what will you do when you find out? Also who are you?" Barbara asked noting how his grip tightened on the hammer.

"I'm Isran leader of the Dawnguard and to answer your questions I want to know if I have to kill you and if I have to I will." The man called Isran said grip on the hammer becoming even tighter.

"Well I'm not a vampire but I know Molag Bal he's a good friend and as for what I am, I'm Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness." Barbara said making him frown and charge forward grabbing her suit that she had repaired every time she died.

"Do you think this is a game? Claiming to be a Daedric Prince is no laughing matter!" He yelled throwing her to the ground and trying to storm off.

"Wait do need proof? Well I'll give you all the proof you need!" Barbara said summoning her sword and stabbing herself in the heart killing her making her fall in a heap at Israns feet.

"Damn fool-" he started before being cut off by a summoning sphere removing her body and re-appearing a few feet away fine as if nothing had happened.

"See can't die because you can't kill a Daedra." Barbara said dusting off and extending out a hand.

"So you are a Daedra but Daedra can't pass into out world fully so how are here?" Isran asked watching her hand.

"It's a long story but the short version of it is that I'm a special case and don't have to follow Akatosh's rules other than no invasions."

"Ok then why are you here?" Isran asked.

"For fun."

The reaction she got from Isran was priceless he was shocked and slightly scared.

"You said you know Molag Bal?" Isran asked his voice betraying him clearly wanting something.

"Yep him and I are good friends we meet up every weekend for tea." Barbara said making him frown in anger.

"Grr it doesn't matter what matters is me recruiting you into the Dawnguard. So you in?" Isran asked extending his hand in friendship.

"Sure I've got nothing better to do!" Barbara said shaking it with a force he didn't expect as it nearly broke his hand.

"Come on we need to head back to Fort Dawnguard and get you caught up to speed because if what you said is true about being a Daedra you could be my best hunter." Isran said with a smile while holding his hand that was nearly broken.

* * *

It was a long five-day journey by foot to Fort Dawnguard it could have been shorter if Isran didn't stop to kill every single vampire that crossed in his path as well as a two-day stop off in Iverstead where Isran made dozens of cure potions and fill up the travel supplies even though Barbara could summon supplies on demand he didn't like the idea of eating food from some strange place.

"We're here." Isran announced when they reached a mountain that had a strange crack in the side which Isran just ran into.

"This should be fun."

When she followed she what she saw surprised her and not in the jump out of your best friends birthday cake with a knife and kill everyone surprise the good kind of surprise where you see your friend has gotten you a puppy.

It was a lush green grove with a river running along the edge and somehow even though they were in winter had no snow or was even cold in fact it was a nice mid summer warmth.

"Like what you see? This place is special in that years ago a group of powerful mages put a series of spells on it that would destroy any undead that entered with the side effect of making it always summer." Isran said proudly opening up some large gates giving her a proper view of the Fort.

It was a massive wreck of destroyed towers and crumbling battlements making Barbara wonder who would want to set up a base in this.

"Yes it doesn't look like much but when I get more recruits involved and the Jarls support the old base will be back up in no time." Isran said running up to meet a Orc wielding a strange-looking bow and wearing the same strange armour.

"Isran it's good to see you made it back and brought a noble?" The Orc asked pointing one of its large fingers in Barbara's direction.

"Not some weak milk drinking noble but from what I have seen Sheogorath herself." Isran said causing the Orc to look at him like he was crazy.

"Isran have you been drinking skooma? Your saying this women is a Daedric Prince?" The Orc said still not believing it.

"Trust me old friend if she hadn't proved it to me in many ways." Isran said patting the Orc on the shoulder.

"Well if you say so I'll hold you to it for now." The Orc said walking over to Barbara and offering a hand.

"Nice to meet you." Barbara said grasping the hand firmly again nearly breaking it.

"Argh that is one strong hand shake, but on to more important matters one of the Vigilant of Stendarr." Which made Isran grow very angry.

"What does that fool want?!" He yelled running over to the massive doors and charging in where he was met by an elderly man wearing some breaking leather armour and wielding a small battle hammer.

"Isran I need your help." The Vigilant of Stendarr said to Isran but was met by a punch to the face that knocked him down.

"You bastard, you come into my Fort and demand my help even though I am the one in charge here and simply expect me to help you?" Isran said fuming.

"Yes I know I don't deserve your help but I'm asking for it the damn blood suckers have found a secret vampire artefact and from what I have seen the amount going there it's something powerful." At this Israns interest was peaked.

"What? Where is this artefact and what is it?" He asked while Barbara just stood in the back picking up a crossbow and firing it into the roof making Isran and the Vigilant both look at her both in annoyance and Isran taking said crossbow from her.

"Like I was saying the artefact can be found at Dimhollow Crypt I am heading there now and was hoping for some assistance." The Vigilant said with genuine need in his voice.

"All right fine. Barbara go with him find what ever it is and destroy it or bring it in." Isran ordered more so to get rid of this girl and stop her destroying his Fort even on accident.

"Sure why not I got nothing better to do till I open a new portal." Barbara said summoning her staff and waiting for the Vigilant to lead the way.

"So you want to meet me there or go together?"

"I guess I'll meet you there where is it?" She asked pulling out a map for the Vigilant to mark which he did showing it to be on the side of some mountain north of her and north of the shrine to Dagon making life easier as she could teleport to it. "See you there." She finished walking out and teleporting to Dagons shrine where she got a very annoyed talking to from Dagon.

"**WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SHEOGORATH?!" **Dagon yelled into her mind.

"Well I would say I'm visiting but you hate me." She said walking away from the shrine and towards Dimhollow.

"**WAIT, I MAY BE ABLE TO FORGIVE YOUR PAST MISGRIVENCES IF YOU HELP ME!" **He yelled to her.

"Why should I help you?" She asked now facing the shrine.

"**YOU KNOW OF MY RAZOR?" **A nod. **"IT HAS BEEN BROKEN IF YOU CAN BRING IT BACK TOGETHER AND RETURN IT TO ME I SHALL FORGIVE YOU AND NEVER ATTACK YOUR ISLES AGAIN!" **He yelled sounding desperate, desperate enough to bargain.

"Sure I'll help you if you keep up your end of the deal when I'm done." Barbara said, her tone firm.

"**YES YES JUST GET MY RAZOR!" **He finished before leaving.

"Well this will be interesting!" Barbara said before walking over to the Crypt entry waiting for the Vigilant to arrive and falling asleep. Not from being tired but rather to pass the time.

* * *

_Six Days Later._

* * *

"ARGH WHY?" A rather loud voice yelled out waking her from her sleeping place inside the Crypt where she saw the very person she was meant to wait for being drained by a pair of vampires while a strange black dog ate his legs.

'Not what I expected to wake up to but ok.' She thought before calling her staff again and casting the Voice of Sheogorath stopping time in the cave making the vampires and dog freeze giving her the ability to walk over to them and bring out her sword and slit their throats then impaled the dog and walked over to the Vigilant slitting his throat putting his misery so that when time caught up they all died very quickly.

"Now onwards." She said to no one walking over to a lever and pulling it opening a door to a room filled with vampires and all types of necromancy that she tried to destroy back during the Oblivion Crisis.

After a long-winded walk through the Crypt dealing with countless vampires, skeletons and other undead and spiders as well she arrived at the central chamber where there was a strange pillar and a ring of braziers that reminded her of Nocturnals plane more or less, and against her better judgement placed her hand on the pillar.

Where it was impaled on a massive spike that went right through her hand and back into the pillar lighting up the braziers with purple fire and her hand almost instantaneously healing thanks to her Daedra blood then after a few minutes of moving the braziers around the rings they let out a massive flame jet that caused the pillar to raise into a larger pillar that looked slightly like a coffin which slid open to show something that not even the Mad God could have predicted.

A Women.


	3. Whiterun

Yes a women, inside the stone pillar was a women who looked very much preserved as if she was buried yesterday and why she found out the hard way when the women jumped out of the pillar and buried twin fangs into her neck draining her dry. Again killing her.

"What... Oh divines why did I do this?" The girl asked placing her head in her hands not noticing the re-spawn happen and the girl she drained come back.

"Hello are you ok?" Barbara asked as if nothing happened.

"WHAT?" The women yelled at Barbara. "HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?"

"You can't kill me so don't worry I'm more worried about you drinking the blood of a Daedric Prince can't be good for a vampires health." Barbara said making the women look at her as if she was crazy which as always wasn't for from the truth.

"Huh I thought that blood tasted familiar, not directly familiar but Daedric at least."The girl said no longer concerned making Barbara question what she meant.

"What do you mean you have tasted the blood of a Daedric Prince?" Barbara asked.

"Let's just say me and Molag know each other very well..." The women said in a way that made Barbara know she shouldn't pry as she already knew.

"Oh you're Serana, Molag that old idiot talks of you all the time as his greatest conquest and every time he said that I killed him." Barbara said making Serana furious.

"You know that bastard!" She yelled out her eyes burning.

"Well it's hard not to know that idiot when he visits every other day to my plane of Oblivion." Barbara said in disgust.

"So which Prince are you?" Serana asked as if it was one of the most normal questions in the world.

"Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness also known as the Mad God or Barbara to my friends at your service Serana." Barbara said now eyeing the Elder Scroll on her back.

"Well it's nice to meet you Barbara, so how do we get out of this place?" Serana asked looking around the room.

"I have no clue." Barbara said simply summoning her staff and switching it to a very powerful mage light spell which when she cast it caused the whole chamber to become illuminated as bright as the sun making Serana squint in discomfort.

"A bit bright." Serana complained donning her hood while Barbara switched her staff for her sword and made it become a bow with seemingly unlimited arrows in the quiver.

* * *

When Barbara began to walk across the bridge that she used to enter she was greeted by a lower vampire she had kicked off the bridge into the chasm below come from down below pull himself back up and onto Barbara's back digging his fangs deep into her neck where she felt a cold feeling spread from the injection points, something familiar.

"Now you are cursed like us!" He yelled kicking Barbara onto her chest still slightly numb while her Daedra blood worked on getting rid of the vampirism and Serana shot a few ice spikes into his back killing him and with his last breaths exclaimed "with my death she will die as well!" Before turning to ash.

"What's he on about?" Barbara asked walking over the twin marks on her neck still visible making Serana wonder why they hadn't healed.

"Is your neck all right? The marks are still there." Serana asked fingers running over the marks startling Barbara.

"Yep fine. Can't get any disease in this world or from any other plane as a matter of fact it is just taking a little longer to purge the new taint from my system." Barbara said running a hand over the wounds which when she was moved her hand away was covered in a yellow goo and the wound gone.

"How?" Serana asked in awe of what she just did.

"Like I said fully immune to anything." Barbara said re summoning the bow and turning on her heel and heading toward the other side of the chamber where she was attacked by a pair of stone creatures that were easily dispatched by her and Serana magic and arrows which when Barbara had inspected them closer found it to be made up of ores and other stones.

"This magic seems familiar almost like my mothers..." Serana said fingering one of the pieces of the stone.

After the encounter with the gargoyles they made their way through the many halls and mini side chambers filled with skeletons and drauger they reached some kind of torture of room which seemed to be designed like an arena except with with a fire pit in the centre of it with dozens of corpses piled on it burning freshly with a throne sitting near an exit looking path and a strange wall covered in Dovahzul she couldn't understand.

Then again she never bothered to learn.

"By the divine what happened to this place?" Serana asked walking forward and before Barbara could stop her the spell of calm broke and the drauger all awoke from their slumber getting off their thrones and spring out of their coffins even causing some kind of special drauger to come out of a coffin that was propped up against the wall which had some kind of energy holding it afloat.

"Shit get ready for a fight!" Barbara said firing off a couple of arrows at random draugers who were stupid enough to start to shamble over to them while Serana fired a bunch of of ice spikes and lightning spells at other ones who decided to attack with a bow and arrow.

After a good ten minutes of fighting and making no progress things started to get annoying when the corpses that were stacked on the inferno started to rise because of the floating drauger Barbara started to get annoyed.

"All right I've had enough." She exclaimed dispelling the bow and summoning two strange spells in her hands which made Serana shiver at the power emitting from them, "get over to one of the coffins and cover your self, trust me you don't want to get hit by this!" Barbara yelled while the energy balls in her hands got larger and brighter making Serana comply running over to the coffin that was propped up by the wall jumping in it and pulling on the top firmly which is when she felt the powerful spell get unleashed.

What the spell was, was one she had crafted with her new powers as Sheogorath it was based off a chain lightning spell she knew but to the extreme making her need to take a few extra moments to cast it throwing a massive series of bolts to jump from her and into the enemies around her jumping to every one in the room incinerating them or killing them leaving them with massive burnt holes in them leaving no one undead in the room except Serana safe in the coffin.

"Serana it's safe to come out." Barbara yelled slumping slightly at the massive drain it caused on her not used to it as she never ran out of power back in the Isles.

"What was that?" Serana said kicking the lid off and taking in the sight of the drauger all killed.

"Oh just a spell I cooked up a few dozen years ago." Barbara said drinking a powerful potion of magicks she brewed back in the Isles years ago luckily which never expired.

"You ok?" Serana said walking over slightly concerned that the girl who healed from a vampire bite was dampened after a spell.

"Yah, yah just drained not used to using powerful spells away from the Isles." Barbara said letting the potion take effect making her feel better all ready.

"What is that wall doing?" Serana said now noticing something strange, nearly invisible wisps flow from the wall and into Barbara.

"You know what?" Barbara said sounding excited making Serana lean in waiting for an answer, "I don't know." She finished lamely walking over to the wall now hearing some kind of chanting in her mind which when she got closer got louder and clearer with it being one specific word over and over.

Then it suddenly stopped and the word from the wall was fixed in her mind then gone, stowed away like it should have always been there.

"Huh I have no clue what that was but it felt weird and trust me I know weird I nearly invented it!" She exclaimed walking over to a lever pulling it opening up the bars covering the door, "let's go."

"Right behind you." Serana said softly thinking on what she had just saw.

* * *

When they emerged from the crypt they were greeted by the sun at full shine on them making Barbara wonder if Serana was ok.

"You ok Serana? Sun not bothering you?" Barbara asked not wanting this girl to just burn into dust leaving her bored again.

"Nah, the sun doesn't kill me like it would a thin of half blood only stings if I haven't fed but luckily with the blood I got from you I should be ok for nearly a week." Serana said pulling on a hood again, "but it is still better to wear the hood then to not." Serana said with a grin fangs visible from under her lips.

"Right, well where do you need to go?" Barbara asked taking out her map.

"We need to head to the northern shores of Skyrim where there's an enchanted boat that can take us to my family's home." Serana said gesturing to the general location of the boat, "don't worry you'll feel the enchants on the boat when your close to it."

"Ok but judging by the way your sagging your shoulders and slumping your back we should head over to Whiterun first and rest and resupply then head off tomorrow night by carriage." Barbara said pointing to the city just west of them.

"Sounds good, I hope you don't mind if I ask to feed from you in the future just because I can take as much as I need from you without worry." Serana said a smile visible under the hood.

"Sure but every time you kill me by feeding I'll slap you into the next era." Barbara said with a sly grin back.

"Speaking of eras which era is it?" Serana asked grin gone now replaced by worry.

"Err if I had to guess it's the fourth era no longer ruled by the Septim line but by some other family, other than that I have no clue." Barbara said trying to remember everything she could about this new era.

"Fourth... that means I have been asleep for over four thousand years." Serana said in a quiet voice her face in shock looking like she could cry.

When Barbara realised this she walked over to the girl and embraced her making her stiff up then melt into the embrace her body fitting perfectly against Barbara's and letting out tears of sadness knowing that everyone she knew was dead except for the ass holes who made up her father's court.

"It's ok don't cry. Let's get to Whiterun, rest and make plans." Barbara said her golden cat-like eyes meeting Serana's bright orange ones.

While they were locking eyes it gave Serana a proper chance to examine the girl who saved her. She was a Breton around the age of seventeen with white hair wearing a strange suit that was purple on one side and yellow on the other side and a pink neck tie and with soft features except for a scar over the right side of her face making Serana wonder how someone who looked like a noble could be one of the most powerful beings in all of existence.

"Like something you see?" Barbara said with a flirtatious wink.

"Err, ah, let's go!" Serana said grateful that her unlife made her unable to blush.

"Your going the wrong way."

"Draaf"

* * *

The trek to Whiterun was a short one compared to some of the adventures she had been on thinking back to when she had to retrieve the blood of a Divine and had to trek through that long tomb she could no longer remember the name of.

"DRAGON!" A girl yelled running into Barbara falling over then crawling away and back into a run

not even saying sorry.

"Rude and clearly not a ginger." Barbara said in distaste making Serana grin as she had become very much used to her strange style of humour over the past few days.

"Stay back ladies a Dragon is attacking the city and the Jarl has ordered a full evacuation till it is beaten or has left." A guard said running over to the pair with is sword drawn before running off in the direction of the women who ran in fear.

"Sounds like fun wanna go see?" Barbara asked Serana who also had a grin on her face.

"Sure I could use an excuse to let lose." Serana said letting her fangs grow slightly.

* * *

When they arrived at the city gate, what was left of the city gate, they were surprised to see a Dragon sitting in the main square bellowing fire at a group of warriors who were hiding behind some stone pillars trying to avoid the fire.

"Battle plan Serana?" Barbara asked letting a powerful lightning spell form in her hand and in the other hand her staff.

"Let's sneak up on it jump on its back and assault it with many spells and attacks with your sword." Serana said noting the look of agreement of Barbara's face.

"Right let's do this."

With that Barbara jumped onto the roof of the blacksmith house and silently jumped her way over the roof nearest to the Dragon and jumped sword down stabbing it in the neck bringing it up its neck and splitting the head in half killing it easily.

That was something interesting happened.

The Dragon started to burn and break away into things that resembled flames but didn't burn her standing on her back and when the flames touched her they started to merge into her body like the word from the crypt except this time it was more natural.

When the Dragon finished burning away she was left standing on a skeleton of a Dragon wearing a curious look and a stunned look on Serana's face and amazed looks on the faces of the warriors.

"You are Dragonborn!" One of them yelled, a red-headed Nord women with an Elven bow said walking over and offering a hand out to Barbara, "I'm Aela the Huntress, one of the Companions and I think the Jarl would like to see you." Aela said gesturing for Barbara and Serana to follow her to the large building at the top of the hill.

"I guess we should go?" Serana said shrugging.

"Sure."

When they arrived at the doors the building they were greeted by a least twenty men all pointing swords at them clearly expecting the Dragon to be the one who broke open the doors but were surprised to see Aela and two women with them.

"Who goes there?" One of the guards asked lowering his sword.

"Aela and the women who managed to defeat the Dragon!" Aela yelled making the guards drop their swords and a man wearing a cross between a formal suit top and a fur coat wearing long pants and sturdy looking boots.

"So you say you defeated the Dragon?" The man asked walking over to the trio clearly not believing it.

"It's true she beat it and absorbed it's soul." Aela said loudly drawing attention to Barbara.

"Aela you know what you're saying is that she's a Dragonborn, right?" The man said angered by her words, "well is it true? Are you a Dragonborn?"

"I don't know, all I know is that when I killed it burned away and went into me." Barbara said not really interested.

"So you are a Dragonborn, the legends are true. I am Jarl Balgruff leader of this town and now you are honoured guests for defeating the Dragon..." Balgruff started but stopped when he realised he didn't know either of their names.

"Thanks but we only need to resupply then we will be off to Solitude to take Lady Serana here home." Barbara said pointing to the vampire who now had an angry look on her face at the nick name she had been given after telling her of her family.

"Well we can offer you shelter and all the things you would need to make the journey and for you Dragonborn some proper armour and equipment." Balgruff said amused at her current choice of attire.

"What's wrong with my suit?" Barbara asked looking at the suit then at Serana who now wore a grin as she knew the truth of the suit.

"It doesn't even look like it could stop a butter knife." Balgruff said laughing calling off the guards back to their posts and starting to clean up the city calling back her people's.

* * *

Over the course of the day Barbara came under siege by many people asking for to help them or trying to court her or other things along those lines even a few children asking for her to adopt them.

"Barbara are we ready to leave? We have all we need and we both know neither of us need any sleep." Serana asked clearly agitated by all the people in her area that she wanted to take a bit from.

"Are you hungry because if your hungry take a bite from me." Barbara said untying her neck tie and pulling her top back revealing the twin scars on her neck.

"Why are there scars on your neck? I thought your blood healed you of every thing?" Serana said fingering the scars slightly nearly making Barbara moan. Nearly.

"That's because I let them stay, I like them." Barbara said hand hovering over Serana's.

"Why? Most people would do anything to cover scars like this." Serana said with honest wonder.

"You gave them to me. Now get something to eat before I force you." Barbara said growing her nails and opening the wounds making her eyes burn with more hunger.

"Fine. But then we go." Serana said digging her fangs into the wounds drinking up the powerful blood slowly losing control until she had drained her dry but expected it and waited her to recreate herself, which she did moments later.

"Just out of curiosity how do I taste?" Barbara asked retrying her neck tie and adjusting her suit.

"Why don't you have a taste?" Serana said seductively.

"I all ready know the appeal of blood, there was a time I was a vampire. It was a good time I loved it but had to cure my self in order to appease the Gods." She finished angrily, this amazed Serana that she had been a vampire in her life time and gave it up just to appease a God? "I'll tell you about it one day in the future now let's go." Barbara said walking out of the room and waiting with a portal to outside the city.

* * *

Draaf = Shit


	4. Castle Volkihar

When Serana walked out of the room she was greeted by the sight of Barbara leaning against the wall looking at a small pocket-sized painting of to women wearing some strange form-fitting armour. She could guess the shorter of the two was Barbara but didn't know who the other one was.

"Whose that?" Serana asked quietly walking over to her.

"An old lover. She's dead now, been dead for hundreds of years. Dead by my hand..." Barbara said clearly holding back tears but quickly making the image vanish and going back to her usual cheer.

"How did she die by your hand?" Serana asked walking over and placing a hand over hers making the cheer vanish again.

"I was fifteen and in the Dark Brotherhood where I met Telaendril she was an Assassin in the Dark Brotherhood I was only a Murderer but she took me under her wing taught me everything." A sad grin appeared on her face as she took out the painting again.

"As I worked my way up the ranks and even surpassed her I was made to perform a Purification on the Sanctuary and had to kill her or be killed with everyone else." The sadness growing on her face so Serana put an arm around her embracing her.

"She didn't even shed a tear when I told her and she told me 'not to cry for my loss, we will meet again in the void.' But now that's impossible, sure I can visit her but never be with her." The sadness getting stronger and stronger in her voice nearly crying.

"This painting was done while on contract with her the artist was the victim, so we got him to paint it before stabbing him with his own paint brushes it was our first proper date." The sad smile returning.

"It was in the middle of the Purification I asked one of our members, Vicente, a vampire to give me vampirism." At the look she gave Barbara quickly added, "he offered it to me a while back and just took it for a few reasons: One, to keep his blood line alive, er undead and Two, so I could keep Telaendril's memory alive for all time." The sadness slowly fading.

"But it looks like I never needed it as I ended up immortal anyway!" Her craziness returning, "now let's head off to Solitude, the carriage should be ready for us now." She finished the craziness present but not true.

"Sure, let's head off." Serana said releasing Barbara and offering a hand which she took and pulled her through the now open portal taking them to outside the gates just to avoid any of their new fans.

* * *

When they had paid the fee to the carriage driver and started on their way where things went fine for nearly three days straight till they reached a caravan with a coffin loaded in the back and a jester sitting on it looking glum but with the touch of madness on his mind allowing Barbara to listen to his pleas.

_'Oh my poor mother! The mean man will not help with my wheel even for clinky, shiny golds!' _He was thinking over and over but it was the coffin that got her attention.

It had a familiar presence hovering it. One of death and Daedra and void.

"It's the Night Mothers coffin." Barbara said quickly sending her thoughts to the mad jester.

_'Mad Jester, Sheogorath has heard your pleas and shall send you help in the form of a sister of you Brotherhood!' _She quickly sent to him making him start looking around for who ever had said that.

"Driver why have we stopped?" Serana asked waking up from her sleep she decided to have while waiting for them to arrive.

"There's a mad man with a broken cart we can't get past, I'll go have a word with him." The driver said but was cut off by Barbara.

"Don't worry I'll handle this, Serana go back to sleep I'll be back in a few." Barbara said getting out of the cart and walking over to the mad jester.

"Who are you? Are you the one the voice said would help?" The jester asked in a whisper taking out an ebony dagger.

"Yes, brother I have come to help. What do you need?" Barbara asked pulling up her sleeve to reveal a black hand tattoo she got when she joined and bringing out her Blade of Woe she had gotten from Sithis himself for her service to him.

"Ohhh, yay a sister survived! Cicero needs help, his wheel is broken and the mean man won't help, get him to help me and I can give you gold sister!" Cicero said holding out a very large bag of gold to her.

"I will help but on two conditions: One, keep the gold and take this sack of gold to what ever hall you are heading to because clearly we need it and two, give me a chance to commune with the Night Mother. I felt something when I was approaching." No use telling him she was a Listener in the past but better look like she was someone new.

"Ohhh, ok yes! Cicero will take the clinky, shiny gold to the last hall in the lands and let you try to talk to Mother if you can get the mean man to help me." Cicero said pointing to the house just down the way.

"I'll get him to help you don't worry it about it." Barbara said with an evil glint in her eye, the evil glint she got from years in the Dark Brotherhood.

On the way down the road she got a familiar feeling in her head, the one she got when ever she communed with the Night Mother and enjoyed having the feeling in her mind again after so many years with out it.

When she reached the house of the mean man she was greeted my a rather rude Nord man who kept saying he would never help that mad man and letting her years in the Brotherhood take over killed the man and his wife and children just so they weren't left orphaned as she knew from first hand experience how bad it was then broke the ultimate rule of the Mages Guild she was Arch-Mage of.

She used necromancy to bring all the now dead family back and ordered them to fix the cart Cicero was using and even make it slightly stronger to with stand the Skyrim weather.

She had decided to learn all she could about Necromancy when she became a Daedric Prince because now that she was a Daedra she didn't care about the rules of magic, she could twist and turn them all she wanted and do anything she wanted, her old friends may not agree with that look on things but she didn't care. They were dead she wasn't she could decide how to use the power she had how ever she wanted.

"How did you get the mean man and his family to help?" Cicero asked looking at the man fixing the wheel with the wife working on the others and the children assisting where ever they were necessary.

"Let's just say they were dying to help." Barbara said letting out a laugh when one of the children was caught by a back swing cracking its skull killing it reducing it to a pile of ash.

"Ohhh necromancy on the mean man and hid family Cicero likes it! And Mother likes it as well! Go on a deal is a deal you can try to speak to Mother!" Cicero said patting the box fondly.

"_Mother can you hear me?" _Barbara thought to her trying to reach her then feeling the presence again.

"_Listener, you have returned." _An old raspy voice asked out through the weak connection, _"why have you returned? You left the Brotherhood to save the lands then vanished? Why do you return to your mother?" _The Night Mother asked half furious Barbara had never returned to the Brotherhood and half concerned at what had happened to the best assassin they had created in centuries.

"_Many reasons Mother but the main reasons were with my new place as a hero of the lands my face was too well-known to be able to return to the family without risking the family and also what I became while I was away. I became Sheogorath and had to look after my lands or it would have fallen through the barrier and destroyed the world before Dagon could." _Barbara said taking in how through the connection the anger was slowly vanishing and being replaced by gratitude.

"_So you never returned to protect the Brotherhood, you left your family to keep it safe? I feel no lies from you so I reinstate you as Listener tell Cicero the words and give your instructions. Welcome back to the family Listener." _The Night Mother said making Barbara feel the magic of the Listener's enchantments return to her.

"_Thank you Mother I shall return to the Brotherhood when I have helped this lady." _Barbara said removing herself from the connection but the Mother had one last thing to say.

"_Do not let this one fall through your fingers like Telaendril did, oh and the Dread Father has decided to reward you for you devotion the Brotherhood by giving you the soul Telaendril to your realm of Oblivion." _The Night Mother said feeling the happiness radiate from Barbara.

"_Thank you Mother and the Dread Father." _Barbara thought before full leaving their connection fully.

* * *

_**'She is a powerful one now'**_

"_Yes, Sithis she is. She will bring us back to being feared by the world."_

_**'Yes she shall.'**_

* * *

"Cicero, the Night Mother has a message for you." Barbara said with a sly grin.

"What she spoke to you? YOU LIE SHE NEVER SPEAKS! SHE ONLY SPEAKS TO A LISTENER AND THERE IS NO LISTENER!" Cicero yelled crying slightly at his own words taking out the ebony dagger from earlier and holding it ready to attack.

"_'Silence dies when darkness rises.'_" Barbara said observing the look on his face when she said those words.

"The old binding words! YOU ARE THE LISTENER!" Cicero yelled running over and giving her a missive hug she didn't return.

"Cicero your orders are to give me the location of the sanctuary, go and instruct the leader of the sanctuary that I shall arrive at a later time and restore it so it meets the five. There is no time limit on this and the reward is the return of the Dark Brotherhood. Now go!" Barbara said ordering him like she used to back in the good days.

"Yes Listener. All hail the Listener!" He said before marking it on her map and getting back on his cart and speeding of toward the sanctuary making Barbara smile and return to her carriage and order them off.

The funny parts of it was before the family all burned to ash Barbara gave them back their souls so they would suffer then end up in the void and that Serana had stayed asleep through all that.

* * *

The rest of the journey was fine till they reached Solitude city gates where their stood a group of those Thalmor Barbara had come to hate even more after the carriage driver told her of what they did to those they deemed traitors.

Before they got to the gates they were pulled to a stop by a group of the Thalmor soldiers who killed the driver after he tried to resist so quickly changing her face enough that she didn't look even close to the same she woke Serana and got them off where they were questioned by the Thalmor.

"Who are you and what business do you have the city of Solitude?" One of the soldiers asked pointing his Elven sword at them while the rest aimed magic at them.

"We are just passing through ad seeking a place to rest before we were to head off but now that you killed our driver also get a new driver." Barbara said her voice very much different from her usual soft tone now a more rough, harsher sounding one Serana could say she didn't like.

"As if, you are both vampires and are here by sentenced to be terminated by order of the Thalmor. Guards take aim." He then said walking back getting out some fire spells aiming them at the pair.

"HOLD!" A feminine voice yelled running down the path toward them calling the guards off, "they are here by my order to assist with the investigations." The voice Barbara could see now to be a young women ordered.

"But their vampires Jarl Elisif and need to be killed on sight!" The guard said clearly annoyed at the Jarls interference.

"Yes which is why they were brought in they are better at stealth and persuasion which is why they are perfect and I ordered them in." Jarl Elisif said walking over to the pair who did nothing when she approached, "see they are no harm. Now leave us." The Jarl said making the Thalmor guards leave clearly unamused at her out burst.

"Thanks Jarl but we really need to get going and get Lady Serana here back home." Barbara said breaking out of her trance and starting to leave.

"Yes hurry leave before the Thalmor return and take this, it will let you enter and leave when ever you want if you wear it." Elisif said putting a necklace in her hand and running back into the city gates.

"Well that went well." Serana said starting to walk back down the path starting to feel the powerful enchanted boat.

"Yep let's go I can already feel the boat, damn it's a powerful enchantment of the boat. Who did it?" Barbara asked feeling a shiver down her spine at the power coming from a simple boat.

"My mother did when we brought the castle, now come on let's got over their and see if anyone is still there." Serana said slightly sad at the mention of her mother.

* * *

The trip over the mountain and to the dock was a simple one thanks to the over grown path Serana managed to find and when they finally did reach the boat it was very much underwhelming at what she saw.

It was a little dingy, A little shitty dingy.

"This is the boat with the powerful enchantments on it? This little Dingy?" Barbara said with a laugh.

"Laugh all you want at it but it hasn't even been damaged a little in the last four thousand years." Serana said sticking out her tongue and stepping in the boat a spell forming in her hand, "you coming?"

"Yes my Lady." Barbara said with a mock bow.

"Shut up." Serana said releasing the spell making the bow power across the water at speeds faster than any horse could.

"Yes my Lady."

* * *

When they reached the shore line of the great castle Barbara had to say she was impressed, it wasn't as nice as her palace but it had a deadly charm of its own.

"So this is the palace of yours my Lady." Barbara said in mock awe.

"Oh shut up if anything I should be bowing to you Daedric Prince my Lady." Serana said in a way that reminded Barbara of her time convincing the many Courts to lend their aid in the Burma Siege.

"Then my order is for you to take us in there to meet your parents if they are still their." Barbara said playing her game.

"Yes my Lady." Serana said holding out a hand which Barbara took and ran with Serana to the gates where an elderly man who was clearly a thrall was guarding the gate.

"Who goes there?" The man yelled weakly reaching for his iron sword.

"Lady Serana and Lady Barbara." Serana said making the man fall back in shock and open the gates and announced to a court that their Lady Serana had returned.

"So my daughter has returned, I trust you have my Elder Scroll?" Harkon as Serana had told her his name was asked which annoyed Barbara that any father could be so cold-hearted.

"Its been nearly four thousand years and that's the first thing you say to me? Yes I have the Scroll." Serana said clearly displeased.

"Of course I missed you, must I say it out loud. Now who is this mortal you have brought into my court?" Harkon said not amused by Barbara's being their.

"My saviour, who saved my from my tomb." Serana said taking a step between Barbara and her father.

"I would speak to you, now who are you?" Harkon demanded.

"My name is Barbara and you are Harkon right?" Barbara said enjoying the look on his face when he was beaten at his own game of being more knowing.

"I assume you know what we are then?" A nod, "then you know for my daughters safe return you should be rewarded!" Which when he said this made the court laugh.

"Let me guess... Your daughter's hand in Marriage!" Barbara yelled out with a smile on her face looking over at Serana who hid her face under her hood as much as she could.

"No. There is only one gift I can offer, my blood so you may walk as a god among men, a lion among sheep and never fear death again!" Harkon said very cocky not knowing that Barbara could already do that.

"Sure, but on one condition. Serana be the one to turn me." Barbara said looking over to Serana who had a shocked look on her face.

"You are very determined to have my daughter. Fine she may be the one to sire you." Harkon said walking over to his throne and taking a seat unamused.

"You do know what you're asking me to do right?" Serana asked walking over to Barbara removing her hood and placing her fangs over the place where the bite marks were.

"Nope." At at that Serana plunged her twin fangs into the marks and released her blood into Barbara's blood stream but strangely she didn't react in any way, "so when does the transformation happen?"

"It will happen in a few moments, come I shall take you to my chambers where it might happen in peace."

"Oh this will be fun." Barbara said growing weaker as she allowed the infection into her body.


End file.
